Most human beings walking this planet are a duality. The definition that we were born with, along with the definition that we were taught, and that of which we were told we are.
I like most have done my fair share of suffering through my conditioned mind. A self depreciating personality is always accepted in society as neutral and ok, even nice. The flip side of that truth, at least for me on a personal level, was crippling self judgement. We can look at my history and know where that comes from, but for me it has also been a gift, a gift that allowed me to see that the stories I tell myself are not the truth. After I had suffered enough at the hands of anxiety and a bout of depression, I started the long journey of looking inwards. It is a journey that has become a fire.
That fire has burnt away the veneer of what is not true. Despite this the mind still wants to maintain control, it is the ultimate manipulative entity, and that entity has no physical presence. This for me is pure proof enough that this entity is a learning, not something that I was born with.
We spend so much time struggling with issues that are not concrete to whom and what we really are, just like that outer appearance of self-depreciation, the reflection inside is so damaging. Possibly the reason for the first line of Don Miguel Ruiz’s famous 4 agreements, to “Never speak against self even in jest”. It all starts and ends with the self. If we are not supportive of ourselves no one else will be, we will be taken for granted, used up, ignored, and our outer reality will match our inner state. This was the space that I myself occupied for so many years, through constant self judgment.
So, if like myself, you find yourself stuck on a merry go round of self judgment, the first thing is to simply recognise that it is in fact taking place. Get curious, when did this pattern start? Was I born with it? Is there an event that took place which triggered it? To simply just begin looking inwards, and tracking your inner self, can be extremely revealing.
We spend so much of our lives in a state of effort that blocks our natural flow to what our true definition and power is. That constant effort is exhausting, and it robs us of all our natural born potential. You don’t have to take my word for it, simply start looking inwards.
So much of our lives are consumed by control; control of sport, work, relationships, but that effort to control is also learnt by the way. It is an effort born of judgment and comparison to others, and others are not us. That urge to control is out of line with life itself.
Imagine a self that creates no future, and lives in no past, but only the present, what is happening right now. In line with the flow of natural life and its natural creativity. That doesn’t mean we don’t progress, it just means we progress in the direction that gives us our best chance to be creative and live authentically, and in essence it finally gives us the chance to realise our own true potential.
No instruction booklet came with us when we were born that instructed us how to breathe, and to teach our hearts how to beat; there was no need to be taught how to digest food or how to remove waste, or how to circulate the blood through our veins and capillaries.
If you were to lay out all of the arteries, capillaries and veins in one adult, end-to-end, they would stretch about 100,000 kilometres. What’s more, the capillaries, which are the smallest of the blood vessels, would make up about 80 percent of this length.
By comparison, the circumference of the Earth is about 40,000 km. That means a person’s blood vessels could wrap around the planet approximately 2.5 times! Still believe we are not a miracle?
We have forgotten what all living creatures are through the ultimate tyrant, the mind and it’s judgements.
What’s my point with all of this?
Don’t kneel at the god of chaos, the mind, he is the supreme illusionist.
As Anthony Paul Moo-Young puts it so eloquently “You are the master and the mind is your servant, that is the correct relationship.